A beautiful game of cricket with temperatures reaching 26 degrees was played out at Horsdean rather than Twineham due to *checks notes* the waterlogged (artificial) pitch at Twineham.  

The Greys went in to bat first, opening up with a tired and ‘slightly’ hungover HatRick and Biff doing the honours. In homage to the waterlogged artificial strip at Twineham, the match remained on the plastic at Horsdean, with some authentic variable bounce thrown in.  

The early overs were kept fairly tight by the bowlers and it was clear early on that the outfield wasn’t going to do the batsman any favours and they would be running up anything that wasn’t creamed to the boundary.  

The left arm opening bowler wasn’t getting much joy with both batsman looking comfortable, until his Dad shouted at him to tell him he was bowling too Short (ironically also his name) and one he did pitch up, Biff was unlucky to get an inside edge onto his stumps.  

This author does not need to mention much about his batting performance other than the left armer’s Dad was probably happy and, following a good catch down the leg side by the keeper, returned to the hutch without troubling the scorers. 

This brought Dom to the crease and the Greys started to motor with HatRick getting into his stride as well. The Twineham skipper had a habit of keeping his bowlers on for an over or two too many and the two Greys Batsman took full advantage of some tiring bowling in the heat.  

During this time, Biff and Joe has been sent out for their stint umpiring and were left out there for 15 odd overs to top up their tan (while EO had a nap on a bench).  

Rick and Dom played some sublime shots, but that pesky outfield meant lots of twos had to be run. By this point, the ‘slightly’ hungover Rick was starting to cook with the bat (including a lovely straight drive for another two!) but was already cooked physically and some brutish hitting from Dom to the boundary allowed a bit less running. 

The two batsman both reached their fifties in style and in doing so, Dom hit five consecutive fours off a bowler I was reliably informed several times throughout the day, “played for Surrey 2s” before very unfortunately being bowled off his pads trying to go for the sixth! 

The score had moved from 25-2 to 149-3 with the Greys looking good to post a strong total.  

Alex came in an played a few nice shots before being bowled by a loopy one, but did advise the group after this that Beer (the place) was in Devon (or was it Dorset – there was some debate).  

Newly specialist batsman Robbie H had discussed a philosophy of taking some time, but immediately swung at a few and played a great cameo including a four through mid-wicket in a quick fire 23.  

The skipper came and went trying to move the score on before Diamond Dan H (or the artist formerly known as Herm the Worm) came in to smash a six over the bowler’s head and received the horn, only for this to be rescinded and a fake-horn was declared.  

The score looked good and the declaration was close, Dom ran from his position of umpire to get the declaration plan and see what HatRick was on and in doing so pulled a hammy. The moral of the story being, don’t worry about anyone else as you will probably get hurt.  

HatRick was given a two additional over to get the 15 odd runs required to get the century but by this point was not in the mood to run and was happy to let Terry hog the strike.  

The Greys declared on 237-7 off 40 overs and had 40 overs to bowl Twineham out for the win with HatRick finishing on a superb 86 not out.     

It was time for Twineham to start their chase, Diamond Dan H and Skipper Ben opened up the bowling for the Greys and kept it tight and deserved more for their efforts.  

The opening batsman started to settle, but the change of bowling at both ends seemed to unnerve them, with a one-eye Chief (not a euphemism) and EO putting the pressure on.  

Chief caught the outside edge only for it to go between keeper and slip (whose ball was it?) before shortly after, the edge was found again and this time was taken in a great snag at slip by Dom.  

EO was finding a great line and the second opener was soon gone getting in a tangle and being bowled.  

At three Twineham inserted the guy who “played for Surrey 2s” and he started to attack without really ever threatening to get up to the run rate required. The first of many Twineham players who has perfected the cross-bat hoik off the artificial joined him at the crease.  

Terry became victim to some cross-bat swatting as Twineham tried to make a game of it.  

Dom came on to bowl off one step with his dodgy hamstring and fired one down finding the edge with his first ball which this very wicketkeeper took while up to the stumps, (earning a first PSN win which was very humbling and has given me great joy in writing this report, I’m sure as time goes on I will find it a chore like everyone else) dismissing the dangerman (he played for Surrey 2s you know) and giving the Greys a sniff of a win.  

A clumsy stumping in which the bat had ample opportunity to get back in his ground, and another couple bowled by Dom to wrap up a fantastic spell and the Greys has the win in their sights.  

The return of Dan and EO put the batsman under more pressure and after some terrible trash talk from Dan H after being plastered for 6 and 4 in consecutive balls (out of nowhere), he set the batter up beautifully with a slower ball excellently caught by Ben.  

The skipper replaced Dan and took a couple for himself leaving the Greys needing one wicket off the last five overs.  

Some resistance from the tailenders ultimately ended in a very dodgy LBW decision from his mate umpiring (but at least it didn’t go down as a drop) meaning the Greys won by 55 runs in a very tough format!  

A great performance all round and a great result for the Greys 

DFWTMG! 

Statto’s report
Another week another crushing victory for the relentless Greys.
In the season’s stats a certain Mr Ashton stands atop all 3 tables and has set his own new category of most innocuous injury, doing a hamstring whilst umpiring…
In the lifetimes EO took advantage of a “hamstrung” DD to nudge up to within 2 wickets in the race to 400 (surely this must come to an end soon. ed). Elsewhere in the all-time wicket takers Chiefy edges into the top 10 courtesy of a superior average taking him above the ladies favourite Ricky.
Next week we’re off to Pooh Corner with a trip to Hartfield…