A busy week for skipper QB, with a number of regulars unavailable, notably a trio of Ds, Diamond Dan, Dom Ash(die) Back problem and Dave Covid Mary Day, left TMGs struggling to assembly an eleven (which definitely does sound a bit like seven, as Biff eventually had to concede). 
In the end, we only managed a ten, including new Greysman and current/former(?) Zambuca Tiger Dev Till, who was not only a welcome addition TMGs on the day, but also a good fit for the team, despite not drinking before the game, favouring instead the athletes’ beverage of choice, lime and soda.
With at least five over 60s (half the team. I was too polite to ask Dev his age. Crossed my mind to do a Dad’s Army themed report…maybe next time), The Greys lost the toss and trudged out to get the fielding bit over and done with. Jerry had already let out two loudly audible sighs even before he was confirmed as wicketkeeper, and was hoping for a good bowling performance to reduce the number of squats he would be forced to do. Oh, and because he’s a team player.
Chris, we haven’t thought of nickname yet, Foullerton opened the bowling with one of the more eventful first overs we’ve had, starting with an almost slow motion caught and bowled first ball of the innings, to join the increasing band of Diamonds in the team. At this point he must have been pinching himself as he’d taken a career best 6 for 21 the previous day, but the Southwater number three soon brought him back down to earth by proceeding to swing lustily at everything, connecting with most and scoring 12 off the remaining 5 balls.
This actually turned out to be more or less the pattern of the game. Most of Southwater’s batsmen took a pretty similar approach and despite the runs flowing, wickets continued to fall. Another c and b for Chris, this one a brilliantly executed one handed dive. Ben took a good catch and took one wicket, Jerry a caught behind off Terry’s first ball…of his second over due to some sort of administrative error. 
There were a couple of fumbles in the catching department from the normally reliable Tim Late, sorry Laing (Jerry said, “I’ve just lost my house” after the first one. I’ll mention my own drop in this bracket. Can one field in a mobility scooter I wonder?) but he made up for it with the now equally reliable bowling spell, removing the “I’ve only got one shot but I’m quite good at it” No.3 bat, with the help of a fine catch by Biff. 
Chiefy bowled nicely with the help of some decent turn, taking two wickets, one of which just trimmed a bail which took so long to fall off the stumps most of us thought it must have rebounded off Jerry’s pads. In fact the bail was quite similar to Chiefy’s fielding reaction time, especially when he was fielding in the deep, where I think he was not only in a different time zone but may actually have stepped over the international date line. Still it gives Terry an excuse to shout at him.

It fell to Biff to wrap things up with the trade mark “I always take one”, every time he bowls. Southwater all out 119 off 30 overs. An excellent all round effort.
Tea was excellent. Southwater pride themselves on their hospitality, and they produced the best tea of the year so far, including noodles (traditionalists may shudder, but they were very good), and plentiful sandwiches (just saying. Those who were there will know where I’m going with that, and if you weren’t, it’s an anagram of feltching), all for the bargain price of £45. 
Suitably fortified and safe in the knowledge we’d already done the running about bit…some more than others… Greysman new and old, Dev and Biff, strode out to see if any of the youngsters of Southwater could threaten their wickets. 
Two of the opposition were female, the younger of whom started proceedings pretty well, before Dev found his rhythm and began plundering boundaries on both sides of the wicket, but especially in what turned out to be her last over containing four fours to the mid wicket boundary. 
The Greys raced to 75 before Biff fell caught behind for 25, bringing Jerry to the wicket from an unexpected angle, as he’d been ball hunting for one of Dev’s fours. 
Runs kept coming and having reached an excellent 50 (TMGs are like Ben Stokes, we bring the best out of cricketers), Dev was encouraged to retire, not unreasonable with the score 89 for 1 and out walked yours truly.
The sun was trying to break through the steely skies as the lager flowed freely at the outdoor tables and the sounds of conviviality drifted across the outfield. Out towards the entrance to the ground, I thought I may have spotted a flash of Tinky Winky’s red handbag partially hidden behind one of the grass mounds. The Teletubbies  theme tune came briefly to mind, but was interrupted by a distant sound (in short, I wasn’t really paying attention). Instinctively, I started to move forward as my now sharply focused mind tried to make sense of what was unfolding before my eyes. Several possibilities presented themselves.
Someone in the field is trying confuse me by shouting “Yes” quite loudly. The prime suspect is at point and seems to be about to pick the ball up. It can’t have been Jerry because, well, he’s hit the ball straight to point.
I’m slowly picking up speed as I can see that Jerry is indeed running. Did he think it was me who’d shouted yes? Is there actually a run here? Why am I up to my waist in treacle? The point fielder is now about to throw the ball in. As we pass each other I think, “Why is Jerry looking at me like that?” The only thing I’m sure about is Jerry wasn’t the one who said, “Yes”, but on the other hand, Southwater aren’t the sort of team to try and confuse the oppo which such underhand tactics. My last hope as I run my bat in is that Chiefy has drifted off and not noticed that I am a yard out. 

“I didn’t hear you call”, I said to Jerry as I wandered off.
“I shouted ‘Yes!’ really loudly”, he replied. 
Obviously I’ve been pondering this incident and have come accept that perhaps it was Jerry who shouted yes, but I’m beginning to suspect he’s been practicing ventriloquy in his new extended leisure time and has just been waiting for an appropriate dummy.
This incident was deemed PSMable (really should have been Chris’s c&b), hence the long description. My demise didn’t prove a hinderance to TMGs progress, with first Ben (caught by one of the ladeees in the Southwater line up, much to her and the assembled crowd’s delight) and then Tim helping Jerry to the sub par total, with Jerry continuing his good early season form by ending the game with a four and a six off the relentlessly cheerful Gary Moore. DFWTMG.
Magnanimous in defeat, the Southwater skipper got us a victors jug of lager, a tradition that would be good to see from all our opponents, as we confused and gently humiliated Dev with the PSM procedure (I think Terry’s explanation may actually be more hindrance than help for our hapless debutants). 
A good turn out in the PC afterwards capped off a fine day out and at this point I wish I had EO’s lyrical turn of phrase to finish off this drivel, but I haven’t, so…

Statto’s report

Normal stats service resumes after last week’s fiasco.
In the season’s stats – like a cricketing colossus Chris F still stands astride both the bowling and the catching. As always the catching is tight, but in the bowling 3 have gone early and broken away from the pack. The batting sees Ejaz just about maintaining his lead but looking to be engulfed by the rest of the field as they close in.
I’ve got nothing of interest to say about the lifetimes…some would say nothing new there…
Next week it’s off to the rustic charms of Bodle Street – expect an actual cow at cow corner…