TMGs vs Jevington 2nd May 2021 by Biffo

The Greys are more aptly named with each passing week it seems. Elderly people benefit hugely from keeping what is left of their minds active and so a big welcome to the TMG vs Jevington interactive play! You can do all the silly accents and effects from the comfort of your special armchair whether you have bones or not! There are fun sounds to make and even a guess the insult section! 

Just a word on the bracketed sections, the first part is a description of the events so you can imagine being there as you have probably forgotten, the second is a suggestion for how to achieve the required sound effect! You don’t have to follow them, you can use what is available in your facility! 

Scene One 

(Four men in a car driving, drive a car)

QB ; Turn your indicator off Io

DD ; Turn your indicator off Io

Biff ; Turn your indicator off Io

QB ; Turn your wipers off Io

Repeat until not funny 

Io ; What roundabout are we on? I know exactly what I’m doing.

Scene Two

(Eleven men on frozen landscape with driving hailstones, take your teeth out and blow hard)

Biff ; Did the one that got me do anything Dave?

DD ; Yeah it hit your middle stump

Everyone ; Shot Hatrick

Repeat until barely believable on that surface

Everyone ; Shot Jerry

The Major off Fawlty Towers ; Good show

QB ; Hatrick is playing on a different pitch. Pardon? No its just an expression

Tel ; Foreign muck, give me a nice cup of tea any day

(Two blows of a horn, take half your teeth out and blow sideways)

Everyone ; Batted Hatrick

Zonc ; Its actually vegan tempura whitebait, (sound of Chiefy ploughing through and collapsing in a bid to regain the special chair, throw the contents of your larder and your zimmer down the stairs) WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING CHIEF YOU TOTAL  S*&$!!!!

Io ; I don’t think you can actually say that these days

Zonc ; He nearly broke my ACL !!!

Henry Blofeld ; You can still get the cricket on VHF old boy, long wave

The Kid ; I did have a bit taken off the ends

Rob ; Good point, we better get out there, I’m opening

(Sound of creaking joints and groaning, just listen)

(A quick fire of wickets being hit and frozen hands being clapped, lean your pacemaker next to the microwave)

Biff ; Go for it Chiefy! You’ve got a great chance of catching that if you get a move on. Honestly, I really think…..

(Chief’s body hits the track in several distinct impacts, triple jump into hard boiled eggs)

(Laughter, remember the old days and see if you can still do it)

(A crack of bat on ball followed by a long silence then quiet conversation, the clink of cups on saucers, some gentle weeping; use ambient sounds in your ‘home’)

(Tumbleweed, tumbleweed has no sound, ask Ben)

Alex ; its coming down like a doodlebug

Jerry ; I love that one, its starts off like a twist then you sort of step sideways and kick your heal up.

Rick ; Biff!

QB ; Ten to one chance

Biff ; Ouch

Everyone ;  Great catch Biff!

QB ; Don’t fuck with the Mighty Greys

Scene Three

Armed Guard at the pub ; Your papers are not good for seven o’clock scweinhundt, come back at eight

Alex ; All back to mine

Everyone ; Hurrah! cheers Al

Tel ; its eight! Over the road we go

QB ; All eleven in the house!

Rick ; Bingo!

Dodgy geezers ; Fiver

Everyone ; Woohoo!

Robby ; I rest my case. What did I say?

(More laughter, see above)

Alex ; All back to mine

Everyone ; Hurrah , cheers Al

Rowley Burkin ; I’m afraid I was really, very, very drunk

3 responses to “TMGs vs Jevington 2nd May 2021 by Biffo

  1. I want to triple jump into hard boiled eggs to see if it really sounds like Chiefy hitting the deck. Top work Biffster.

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