Match Report – Greys v Mayfield – Sunday 3^rd September 2023 

Thursday, 31^st August, 12.36. In the office. The wettest of days. Cricket prospects looking grim. Any hope of a final run out for TMG this year ebbing away with every stair rod clattering into the office window and every minute drifting by. Oh well, maybe more chances next year….  

Oh, how hope can be rebuilt in the most fleeting of moments…..  

Thursday, 31^st August, 12.37. Ding. A text message bringing a ray; no, a flood of sunshine through the gloom. Ben ‘The Greys’ Cricket: 

“Hello Tim, would you be able to play for the Greys against Mayfield on Sunday?” 

Christ, yes. Here’s hoping we’ve got nothing planned. Why won’t she answer? I’m not sure she realises the urgency here….. 

Thursday, 31^st August, 14.14. Yes please, I’d [bloody] love to. 

And so set in place a series of events that have led to me being sat here, writing this thinking, ‘Why didn’t I drop that one as well?’…. 

Anyway, enough of the preamble and onto the match. 

By Sunday, summer (the Southern Mediterranean type) had miraculously reappeared. The sun, out of a cloudless sky, beating down on a well-manicured, beautiful ground, set the scene superbly for a cricket-based tussle between the Mighty Greys and Mayfield. What. A. Day. For. Cricket. 

A coin was tossed (assuming so, as I was a little tardy myself). Greys in the field.  

With the opening Mayfieldians at the crease and, after arriving mere seconds before the call of ‘play’, Diamond Dan began a spell which clearly displayed for all to see that warm ups are thoroughly over-rated. Who needs an injury inducing game of five aside, when an hour long, windy drive through the A and B roads of East Sussex clearly primes the calves through a higher-than-average use of brake and clutch, coupled with the ever-so-many tighter-than-you-thought bends getting the shoulders working on the slightly warmer side of average? No one. Well, not Diamond Dan anyway: out of the car, ball in hand and running in before he muster a… ‘No, first change, please – I’m a little stiff from that drive….’, returning figures of 3-12 off 7. The first was caught behind superbly by Jerry; the catch made all the more special by the split-second glance to slip taking in a non-moving Chiefy, leading to the realisation it was his and that those gloves needed to get moving. And move they did, with a slightly bewildered, yet joyful expression as the ball thwacked into the centre of his mits. Well taken indeed. Perhaps a longer scenic route to future matches should be mandatory for the Diamond. An exceptional spell. 

Whilst Dan made bowling on the sun-baked Mayfield strip look a pleasurable, life-fulfilling exercise; the rest of the attack found the going much tougher – an exercise in toil and perseverance. Robbie, Chiefy and Dom valiantly ran in up the hill, a task made even tougher by the confident and youthful (and sometimes overseas professional) batting line up punishing anything slightly wayward and a series of umpires calling wide for anything further than fifth stump. Nevertheless, toil and persevere they did: edges came and went, along with mistimed shots. However, none of these deserved deliveries bore any wicket fruit, although one edge off Dom did lead to a memorable, lightning fast, reflex and almost psychic stop from Chiefy at first slip to prevent a certain four adding to the rapidly increasing Mayfield total. 

Chiefy then returned up the hill in a bid to break a set partnership. Following some beautifully flighted teasers and well-considered field placings from skipper Ben, the ball, as it has done fairly often in my Greys career thus far, was slogged in the direction of the ball magnet in my hat, just slightly higher than down my throat and, through no consciously produced movement on my part, stuck soundly in the hands held shakily above my head. One more down – nearly into the tail…… However, no matter how hard the determined Ben, Dom and Eo worked, they, unfortunately, had no such luck with catches sticking off their bowling – a frustrating day. 

Eo, though, realising it wasn’t going to be his day on the wicket front through a dropped chance from yours truly and an LBW call back, turned his attention to getting his own back on those he held most responsible for this wicket drought: a lazy band of mullet-haired opposition youngsters who refused to put any effort into finding the match ball after it was struck into the thicket past mid-on. This brevity of search left us to be bowling with a ball that could only be described as like the previous one, just not as good. Wickets now would be even harder to come by. 

Chortling to each other as they skirted the perimeter rope, before settling on the idle pitch covers square of the wicket, little did this merry band know that Eo was putting a plan in place to teach them a lesson: bowl a long-hop so that the unsuspecting batter hammers the ball into his irresponsible teammates. That’ll wipe the smiles off their faces. Yes, I know – this is nearly impossible to pull off; who would dare try such a thing? Well, Eo of course……. 

The batter fell for it hook-line-and-sinker, absolutely creaming the pre-planned leg-side long hop straight into his team-mate’s shin, who had since decided to recline in the sun, causing him to tumble off his makeshift boundary edge sun-lounger with a yelp of pain and a potentially splintered fibula. Next time I’m sure he’ll think twice before giving up the search so casually.  

In short, a determined, perseverant and sweaty performance from the Greys in the field, limiting a strong opposition to 266-5.  

Following a swift tea, home-sourced supplemented by impromptu offerings from Mayfield, Biff and Rick strode out to the baking middle to begin the chase. Things started well, with Rick looking very comfortable and getting off the mark with a sublime cover drive for four. This was short lived, however, as an innocuous one was unfortunately edged behind. This led Dom to the crease for an attractive knock, getting a good start before falling to the same fate as Rick.  

On a slight aside, this is a fate that, I’m sure, Robbie’s fellow scorer would have rather befallen her than the one she was dealt at the scoring table: Robbie, for no known reason, nearly knocking her out with an over exuberant scoring acknowledgement. She was subsequently admitted to hospital and is said to be doing well, although her days of scoring may well be over for fear of another attack by a seemingly considerate and kind fellow scorer – ‘You just never know….’ she can be heard repeating from her hospital bed. 

Anyway, back to it…..  

Biff and Jerry then steadied things for a good while, a time during which Biff played a beautifully timed stroke through mid-wicket for four, drawing gasps of appreciation from the sun-burnt audience (or maybe it was just the gasp caused by cold sun-cream hitting the skin). Either way, the time course was such that one could be forgiven for thinking it was in appreciation of Biff’s exquisite clip. Both were batting well and looking unphased until a very young, talented left-arm off spinner was called onto bowl. Unpickable wrong-uns, chinamans, googlies, you name it, were bowled at a challenging length, causing a flurry of Greys wickets – even Alex and Ben, who had looked to have picked him well, succumbed. Jerry carried on defiantly for a very respectable 26, before holing out to long-on under the pressure of an exponentially growing run-rate. 

I then found myself at the crease, fortunately with only four balls left of the young spinner’s spell. Having somehow managed to weather his last four balls, it was clear that the batting gods were on my side. This was further confirmed as my heady mix of mis-timed swipes, air shots and flashed edges kept the scoreboard ticking over.  

Diamond Dan came in with intent too and quite rightly stood his ground after seemingly getting bowled – after a fairly lengthy discussion with the fairly passive-aggressive opposition captain, it was deemed that the ball was fairly likely to have missed the stumps and Dan, fairly, should stay at the crease.  

Dan’s departure, caused by missing one that if he had connected with would have sent the ball into orbit, brought in Chiefy for a quick cameo that was only ended by the interruption and distraction of a deadly opposition wasp (….’that’s an Asian Hornet!’). Such tactics really should be outlawed in Sunday cricket. Unfortunately, not even Eo’s chest-pump bowler psych-out tactics, Biff’s temporary sight loss for Eo’s stumping appeal and Robbie’s determination to see the overs out could prevent the inevitable. Grey’s finished on 159 all out. 

A loss, but a valiant effort from all involved against a strong oppo. 

Stats
Not a lot of movement of great important this week other than Diamond in the bowling whose 3 wicket haul leaves him tantalisingly close to getting into the all-time top 5 wicket takers list. He needs one more to join the 3 hoary old Greys on 33, but yesterday may have been his last game of the season so stats fans will be waiting with bated breath to see if he runs out for another spell this season. Elsewhere, the engravers can start putting D. Ashton on the batting trophy. All to play for in the catching. Congrats to Tim Laing for his highest score for the Greys (42*) should have been a maiden 50 but for a numpty and a spoon at the other end, sorry mate.
In the lifetimes – nowt going on…Biff’s 14 mean he edges towards 9000 runs.