TMGs vs Findon 24 July 2022 by Diamante Dan

House of Greys

TMG, PSM & DFWTMG Committee

Concussion in Sport

Findon Report of 24/07/2022

Report, together with informal minutes relating to the Report

Ordered by Chairman Shadow

To be printed sometime within the 2022-26 seasons

TMG, PSM & DFWTMG Committee

The committee is appointed by the House of Greys to examine ridiculousness, drunkenness, and moments worthy of Greys folklore of the Greys Sunday cricket and it’s associated members.

Findon membership

T. Burgess (Chair)

B. Newland (Captain)

J. Brasher

R. Line

R. Flynn (Hove Wanker)

R. Meek

A. Fenton

D. Ashton (Hove Wanker)

Cllr. D. Hermitage (Hove Wanker)




The committee is one of the select committees, the powers of which are set out in the Code of Conduct ( – principally The Team will consist of at least one Bowler and one Batsman and one Wicket keeper (or someone who knows what one is)


The committee had 6 observers for this specific report:

The Clunk Family, Trev and Ali, Louise.


All correspondence should be addressed through the website (  because that’s why it’s paid for.

You can follow future committee reports on this website and occasionally on Twitter when D.Ashton can be bothered to update it (@TheMightyGreys)


The recent focus on the incidence of concussion within the sporting world has increased Greysman awareness of the potential for participation in the club to carry a long-term risk. Whilst current science cannot prove a causal link between concussion, sporting activity and the presence of Eeyo and Trev within ten metres of each other, it is undeniable that a significant minority of people will face long-term neurological issues as a result of their participation in The Mighty Greys.

Each Greysman is left to decide on correct protocols for concussion, such as when it occurs, what should happen and when participants should check whether somebody is ok. In Greysman cricket the tracking of injuries and therefore the potential to identify long-term impacts on the brain is almost entirely impossible. These Greysman rely entirely on the NHS, which does not have sufficient patience to properly address the long-term issues.

This committee recommends the NHS establishes a programme to ensure that it properly records anything a Greysman says to them and furthermore ensures its frontline is properly equipped to not only treat the immediate consequences but provide the best advice and, if necessary, long-term treatment for those who manage to escape being a Greysman.

Following several happenings of neurological damage in one specific game, this report was commissioned and the report details these scenarios. It is now up to the committee how they decide to monitor the situation over a period of time.

The Findon Report:

The evidence provided forth, will allow both the committee and the general public to observe the happenings of the 24th July 2022, when the phenomenon of multiple neurological deficiencies were demonstrated. One of the most damaging events overshadowed the many other, smaller, issues that were witnessed. The report shows the day as a whole, with the normal structure of an event taking place (eg. R. Meek scoring runs, D. Ashton catching balls) so the anomalies can be highlighted – and they are highlighted throughout.

Section A)

  1. On a sunny, hot, afternoon in Findon the Greysman arrived in multiple cars from various directions, some earlier than others.
  2. QB needed to shower before the toss due to a night of camping previously. It remains unknown if this shower occurred.
  3. The Mighty Greys bowl first.
  4. Good opening spells from Diamond and Bumbo, keeping things tight and beating the bat. Diamond removes one of the openers, top of off.
  5. A ball pops up in the air and was a tough chance, but allowed Biff to perform a full Chaise Longue*
  6. 10 overs Findon 30-1
  7. A change up in bowling. Eeyo replaces Diamond, Chief for Bumbo.
  8. Diamond asks Chief if he want’s him to be in or out at Square Leg. Chief responds “Yes”
  9. Findon Captain batting at 3 hits EVERYTHING between Mid-Wicket and Mid-On and increases the run rate. The opening bat still sits on roughly 2 runs.
  10. The ball is hit into the deep at long on, Greysman all notice Eeyo isn’t actually watching. They shout at him, he wakes up, runs after the ball and in lower league fashion, shins it and keeps it in play. 2 runs saved.
  11. The Findon captain tries to launch Chief over the rope in the deep and finds the safe hands of Bumbo.
  12. Number 4 tries to Viv Richards it through point on his first ball and is bowled, Chief on a hattrick (SPOILER, it didn’t happen).
  13. Number 5, a young South African, is actually pretty good and starts hitting the ball around.
  14. Eeyo realises that fielding at long on and then having to go up the other end and bowl wasn’t working particularly well for him and swaps with Diamond.
  15. Eeyo and Chief continue to bowl well. The opener deciding to try and push on having scored 20 odd from 20 odd overs, is stumped by Robor off Chief.
  16. Young South African launches Chief up in the air. It’s perfect from Chief, it’s landing right in Diamonds hands. He’s got in position early, some of the committee have noted possibly too early, he’s got so much time. Here comes the ball, and in the hands it goe……
  17. The cricket ball, has slipped through Diamond’s fingers and bounced off the crown of his bucket hatted head, and popped over the rope for 6.**
  18. Much confusion occurs here. Some Greysman have noticed it hit the head, others haven’t, Diamond’s not entirely sure whether he’s ok or not, thinks he is and runs around a bit.
  19. Shortly after this, a ball evades Robor and heads off towards Fine Leg. Robor makes the peculiar decision of setting off after it in, what some might call, a casual jog. Thus leaving the stumps vacant for the ball to be thrown back.
  20. A lovely shot down the hill see’s Terry setting off after it, alongside Jerry with HR on the boundary. The ball being retrieved safely short of the boundary, however, HR performed a fantastic stop on Terry heading towards the rope.
  21. The South African powers on until finding himself at a well made 50 and subsequently takes his leave allowing the others to have a go.
  22. QB comes into the attack, bowling some fantastic slower balls that catches 2 batsman out in a row and leaves him on a hattrick (SPOILER, it doesn’t happen). The first wicket specifically was delightful.
  23. QB takes another with the score at a reasonable level around 150-7 (estimate).
  24. Alex comes close to elating everybody by fingering a ball.
  25. Shadow on! He picks up 2 wickets in 3 overs at a run a ball.
  26. The South African returns, looking to launch the score on.
  27. Diamond gets a slower yorker wrong and hit for four, he returns next ball with the middle stump hit.
  28. Findon all out 183.

TEA – and a bloody fantastic one too.

At this point the observers join the committee members, clearly expecting the batting performance to be worth the journey. First to arrive, as pointed out by HR, was Trev walking around the boundary. Alone. Which was a surprise as he definitely said he wasn’t coming alone. As Trev got closer, we could see that Trev was, in fact, Louise.

Closely following this was Trev and Ali.

Then the Clunk family turned up.

Wonderful Greys love all around.

Section B)

  1. Biff and Jerry enter the field with a reasonable target to set off after, and they do, Jerry in particular. A rush of blood to the head sees him go after a tiny child and hits him for 4 x 4 off the over (the last being the best of them all)
  2. Biff is bowled for 5.
  3. HR joins Jerry at the crease and plays a beautiful cover drive for 4.
  4. Jerry continues his form until the young South African enters the attack. He bowls Jerry first ball – gone for 39. Greymans eyebrows raise.
  5. Trevor takes a “selfie”*** and posts it on the group, really demonstrating his grasp of photographic technology.
  6. Robor is at the crease, building his innings, as perfectly as ever.
  7. HR partners Robor well until he’s trapped LBW for 20.
  8. Fixtures enters the fray and see’s the South African away superbly alongside Robor, with some wonderfully timed shots around the pitch, rotating strike. Great game management.
  9. Robor plays a glance away for 4.
  10. Alex falls for 10, maybe 11, maybe 10. We’ll stick with 10.
  11. Bumbo arrives and immediately hits boundaries, with Robor getting in the mood too. Robor’s 6 goes into the campsite and Dom’s into the bins.
  12. Robor makes 50!
  13. The end is nigh! These two effortlessly move the ball around the field and to the fence.
  14. There it is! Greys march to victory as Robor hits the winning runs.
  15. 185 -4 off 30 overs.


*Declaration of Interest: Biff’s Chaise Longue is sponsored by Wet Leg

** PSM Winner – The Media have headlined this as the Drop, Bop, Hop.

A person and a person taking a selfie



  • Despite the need for acquired brain injury to be taken seriously by TMGs, the detail of which will be discovered at some point in the future, both written and oral evidence to this report support the health benefits to people through participation in The Mighty Greys. An active Greysman, promotes overall good health, including preventing the risk of Conservatism later in life.

Further Notes

  • Biff didn’t return to HQ after the game. Suggestions are made that the committee investigate this further, before it impacts the longevity of the Greys as an institution.

3 responses to “TMGs vs Findon 24 July 2022 by Diamante Dan

  1. A thorough and balanced report, Cllr. I’m not clear whether the blow to the head has made the rest of us more or less intelligible, but I expect the answer is yes.

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