TMGs vs Goldstone Caners May 29th 2022 by EO Sewell

The Truth is out There    … ….

We open the secret files and uncover the shocking evidence, photographs and first-hand witness statements in relation to the now largely, legendary almost forgotten infamous UFO* sighting,  in broad daylight at a quiet English cricket ground in the South Downs.

(*UFO – Unidentified Flying Object, now re-categorised as UAP – Unexplained Aerial Phenomena or Unhygienic Airborne Pants)

It was an unremarkable Sunday afternoon, the 29th May 2022. The annual friendly fixture between two casual Sunday cricket sides, The Goldstone Caners and The Mighty Greys, had just finished when the extraordinary events described unfolded.

The Greys had failed to chase down 166 runs, all out for 100 in 30.2 overs. Their mood was not improved by the exaggerated clowning, gloating and chuntering of the Caners. Only David Watts and James Asquith put up resistance and with no other players in double figures, Ian Sewell was left stranded, not out again, three runs short of 1000 career runs for the club.

None of this is in doubt and is a matter of record as the TMGC scorebook shows.

However, the Goldstone Caners CC innings is mysteriously absent from the records??

What happened in the ensuing minutes between the players leaving the field and the Greys re-convening for a convivial ale and their traditional post-match feast of back-stabbing negativity and recrimination called The Party Seven, will never be fully known and takes us into the darkest canyons if the human mind and all its frailties.

What can be agreed upon is that at some point after emerging from the changing room, or Area 31 as it has been designated, aging team stalwart Biff Line began babbling incoherently …..”Guys, guys!! You’ll never believe it!  …. club legend Sewell, … potential club

legend Asquith, …shower…. UAP…. door, … no door… right in his mush,…. blah ..  blah…  rave … rave!

Eventually he was calmed down but refused to withdraw his rambling accusations. In fact he seemed to relish the attention he was getting as he embellished his story with ever more fanciful detail.

What seems certain is that for a brief period, a kind of mass hysteria, facilitated by the mysterious T. Burgess, took hold of the group as they bonded, laughing and knee-slapping like good old boys as each re-telling gave new credence to the fantasy and each individual, masking their own insecurities, came to believe that they had seen with their own eyes a full blown UAP.

Still under the watchful gaze of T. Burgess whose cloudy corneas emanated an unseen laudanum effect upon his acolytes, The Mighty Greys team proceeded to unanimously validate the story as if their own, it becoming Party Seven Moment a kind of GreysCC oral history or Gospel, if you would.

Our operatives were despatched as soon as we became aware of reports of a UAP and undertook a thorough investigation as is the procedure with every sighting.

They logged details, photographed the scene and took statements from all present. That evidence has lain gathering dust until now when the truth can finally be revealed. What follows are the actual files and transcripts from our vault. The notations in parenthesis to interview transcripts were made contemporaneously by an experienced senior operative.

TMGs innings

And here is the scorecard for the Caners’ innings:

6 responses to “TMGs vs Goldstone Caners May 29th 2022 by EO Sewell

  1. James hasn’t played since. Currently telling everybody he meets of his encounter in that changing room at St James.
    Possible he’s in therapy.
    Which is understandable after this investigation no doubt triggered what he’d tried to forget!
    Masterfully created EO.

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