TRANSPORT MODES GAZETTE

Welcome to the TMG test track at WGG’s excellent facility at Isfield, we’ve tested these different modes of transport to find which performs best. Two tests were carried out in breezy but pleasant conditions, first in the field then a real battering on the track.

The Blimp : Went well in the first test hanging in the air showing great manoeuvrability and precision even with the left control. Dismal failure in the second floating like a big fat zero.

The Steam Engine : Perennial favourite with the crowds, blew off excessive steam in a mix up between hand and foot controllers but as ever pulled its weight.

The Skateboard : Better in first than second, came in to the test damaged , perhaps unwise to expect so much mileage from a   not very meaty and somewhat hair razing ride.

The Hovercraft : Did well in the second test once it got going, useless on stinging terrain outside the boundary due to lack of protection at low level.

The Channel Tunnel Bore Drill : Had to be watched for a while before you perceived its forward motion, powerful, inexorable, wunt be druv.

The Compact Hatchback : Ever reliable and versatile, did well in both, saying hello and waving at byes.

The Electric Car : The leader of the pack, provided variety but somewhat let down by software glitches and battery weakness  picked up at the Glasto 36 Hour the week before.

The Soft Top Sports Car : Shameless show pony but once again had the performance to back it up.

The Van : Always delivers. Night and day does the stuff others cannot do.Paintwork not to everyone’s taste.

The Clown’s Bicycle with the Square Wheels :  Hugely entertaining and always the centre of attention, massive tailback behind it at tea, seemed to enjoy second test but defeated by having to go around the invisible bouncy castle at the bowlers end.

The British Leyland Executive Saloon Vanden Plas : High spec, all the bells and whistles, performed well in both tests despite off the scale breakdown record.

Not tested : The German Diesel : Transportation rather than transport the issue here. Australian entry not allowed as found to be cheating again.

Next week we will have a report from the Cheating Championships where the Aussies take on Argentina in the final.