Despite much searching for a punchy intro to this match report and facing increasing pressure from my writing coach Johnny Fixtures, I will begin with the pre match pub. 

I had some memories – none of them clean as I once dated a nanny (under 75) that lived locally – so my knowledge of the pub was better than most. Crisps expensive so brought my own- a Giant bag of Wotsits Crunchy since you ask.

With cheesy fingers we made our way to the ground, the hardest part of which was reaching the gate and which gate was it that we were supposed to enter by and which verge we’re supposed to park on- it wasn’t clear but on arrival through the gate to chance upon a very pleasant ground as brown as Biff’s oiled and radiant torso – despite his denials of ever having been out in the sunshine.

Greys batted first with an excellent knock from Rich ‘The Bitch’ Lenton who took no prisoners in his 88 and apparently only started playing 5 years ago! I had no idea… He was later nominated for a punchy cunt through the covers which painful as it sounds took us to as respectable 233 for Petworth to chase . 

Sunday debutante Adamski and Bumbo twinned it with 51 N.O which was nice including a wide cut through the bonkers.

Feeling like Steve McQueen in the cooler I was finally relieved from umpiring duties after about 26 overs you wankers. 

Then came tea. Well sort of, when I say tea, I mean food. The full time chef was fully engaged making some of the 3 fillings on offer…but a cup of Rosy Lee was hard to find. I did spot one on the shelf behind the bar but you had to pay either the Sommelier or the Barman, both of whom were sticklers for no glass beyond pissing distance of the clubhouse.

Diamond and LC bowled until they were red/blue/brown in the face, returning with a brace including matching miracle balls each leaving the hutch well and truly open for yours truly.

Not wanting to disappoint, Duncan and I made our debut as The Tortoise & Tortoise Duo, famed in all the land for our hard outside but oh so fluffy running in the field, with Duncan once again feigning a *hammy… (more to follow later at Nomads) 

In the end Greys won comfortably against a keen spirited and lovely bunch of men and boys that make up the Petworth Sunday XI… we hope to return 

Unbeaten in 8(??!) as we go marching on!

PSM nominations:

Robbie one handed stop with mark
Alex umpiring 360
Chief and Dunc failing to field the ball and Dunc groin
Adam cover drive
Rich low drama catch
Chiefs first catch for the Greys
Chiefy scrappy doo warm up
Dom’s Boring 6
Chiefy’s matching Michelle ball
Dan’s second miracle ball
Louis’ bowled
Robbie overhead catch
Chiefy manfully taking one for the team umpiring
Rich punchy cunt through the covers
Dom wide cut through the bonkers
Dunc discrimination on the scooter guy. 

Statto’s report
Game 18, win number 13, The Mighty Greys remain unbeaten since tour with 7 straight wins.
Yesterday was a nearly day for Dom, who was on 46 from 20 balls close to equalling Tommy Nix’s fastest 50 (21 balls) but alas it was not to be, however a 26 ball half century is still pretty handy. Congrats to Adam (51*) and Rich (Jack O’Lenton) (88) who both get their first greys 50’s and highest individual scores. Well done Chiefy, as well, who feasted on rabbit pie to get his first, and the team’s 3rd michelle, of the season … In the tables Biff’s lead in the batting is cut as Dom goes back to 2nd place. In the bowling the chasing pack close in on DD…
We’ve already mentioned the personal high scores so not much else to say about the lifetimes.
Next week I’m not sure who we’re playing…fixtures list says Lizards but we shall see…