TMGs vs Hartfield 28th April by Rt Hon Terry Burgess

Well, y’all read these things to see what it says about you, so here it is:   

The Greys First Ever Player Rater  vs Hartfield  28th April 2019 

Hatrick  Played some terrific flashing blade strokes to get the Greys innings off to a fast start, including splendid square cut from a full toss, putting on 50 with RoborBob.  C and b when a much bigger score was looking likely. Bowled a couple of overs accurately with zip but went wicketless.  B++ 
Biff  Was bowled in the first over but made a good job of taking out his frustration on the changing room walls.  Made ground to take a low, swooping catch at mid-off before coming on to bowl at the death and taking wicket of Lockhart, well caught by QB at cover.  Is one wicket closer to career 100 and target number 9. Engaged in important conversation about difference between butane and propane on way home.     


RoborBob  Made slow careful start to innings on tricky multi-shaded uneven pitch before unleashing his trademark pulls and drives. Hit 10 boundaries in his fifty, including a delightfully timed clip off his legs to the tennis court, before getting one which sprung up and looped back off his splice.  Equally solid and dependable at first slip but never tested.  Didn’t get a chance to bowl.   A+ 
The Weather  Cold with an attempt at raining followed by brief sun intervention  C- 
Alan  Had a busy week commuting to Honiton, Devon and back for his new job at Monsanto.  Put on 66 with R/B, including a lofted cover drive and square cut for 4.  Redeemed a difficult boundary catch off my bowling with an excellent running stop to save four and keep the weaker batsman on strike.     A- 
Duncan  Needs to use his bat more and his pads less.  Saved lots of runs behind square in his role as backstop to Jerry and the Slip Cordon, and the Errant Bowlers.  Brought some high energy sports protein food with him, one of which I stole and ate.    B+ 
Duncan’s Donut  Fresh, doughy, oodles of jam, generous sprinkling of sugar.  A+ 
Alex  Collected me in the car and drove me to and from the match.  Had less luck driving their opening bowler.  Kept a tidy score book until RoborBob got his paws on it. Solid and dependable at Point as ever.   B+ 
Jerry  Enjoying his new experience of batting at seven, putting on some late runs with Zonk including a couple of expansive boundaries.  Kept wicket with his usual efficiency, unaided by an early season pitch with variable bounce.  Excellent satnavvery there and back.    B++ 
Zonk  Came in with a few overs left before time ran out.  Third scoring shot was for 6. Batted well with Jerry so that TMGs were able to set Hartfield a target of 197 at tea.  Dropped a difficult couple of chances at extra cover but probably fairer to say he stopped a couple of 4s, before pouching one off Ben.  Came on as second change and, as he does every week, clean bowled someone (Big Mr Dyer the Tonker)   


The Tea  Solid and dependable if unimaginative.  Nice large crisps.  B 
QB  Did not bat but, as ever, found a way to keep getting wickets.  Took one in first over (see below) and a couple more caught by Biff and Zonk, before bringing himself back on to clean bowl another when Hartfield looked like threatening our target in last 20 overs.  Not the first captain to fail to solve the problem of winkling out the last few batsmen in Village rules, with Hartfield on 170-7 at the close.  After just two matches is already 6 wickets towards his target of 37 (6 out of 13 Greysmen think he will get there).   A++ 
Zak  Didn’t play, or come to the match, but gave EO a mid-week chance to learn what a harmonic mean is.    58.5 
Dimmu  Made some splendid thwacking sounds with a mallet for about an hour on his new bat, which then went unused.  Very clean pads, also unused.  Opened the bowling up the hill with some quick, accurate deliveries that deserved at least one wicket.  Came round the wicket for his final over, a tactic known as the Dimmu Switch.    B+ 
The Shadow  Scored thousands of runs, but only in his own head while waiting to bat, which didn’t happen.  Ate a hearty tea then delivered a masterclass in how to catch: a) Make sure that opposing waiting batsman is watching catching practice before second innings b) lull him into false sense of security by deliberately dropping all practice catches c) allow same batsman to outside edge one of Ben’s away swingers so that it fizzes through the air in a graceful arc to the safe fingertips of the man with a terrified expression of the man who lives at gully.  PSM. Came on to bowl second change with parsimonious figures of 6-1-18-1, including bowling Mr Fiddler off his pads.    A+++ 
DD  Engaged in some gratuitous post-match ageism at my expense.  Get your whites on and show us how it’s done Dave, you nearly 50 year old.    C 
The Constant Service  A pub with no beer, but plenty of vinegar in its pipes.  The barman had the effrontery to suggest that we should change the team name to The Constant Service.  So we’re going to the original HQ next week, where it all began 32 years ago.       

Averages 2019

Averages Lifetime

10 responses to “TMGs vs Hartfield 28th April by Rt Hon Terry Burgess

  1. Yes Terry! Top reportage and so timely!!! Great bowling figures too. The outrage here is the revelation that 7/13 greysmen don’t think Benny will reach 37 wickets!!! Non-believers

  2. Hang on! Do you realise how expensive the Greys is? Plus the barmaids don’t dance o’the tables.

  3. Thanks for your generous ratings. I think we all know that, on an objective scoring system, we would struggle to match the rating of a fresh jam donut.

  4. lucky Dimmu went round the wicket or how else would you have got your “switch” joke in ; great stuff Tel and if Robobob had recorded my 3rd four I could have scraped an A- .

  5. Great stuff Terry. While I’m not sold on the idea of going to The Greys on Sunday (this is a one off because the Brown Stripes are playing at HQ at 8pm), let’s have some alternative suggestions. On reflection, I’d be happy with the Geese. We can look through the window at The Greys….

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