Off to Hammerwood a team who seem to have improved as TMG’s have ( shall we say ) hit a small dip on their way to world domination . Fielding first TMG ‘s kept the openers in check blah blah blah with both Ben and Al bowling well with little reward blah blah blah . Richie P came and went ( 2 -26 …. that’s 2 overs for 26 )  Ibu bowled beautifully  (2-48) getting a caught and bowled and a good stumping from Alex blah blah blah.  Eo ( or Io as he is now known but it looks weird typed out ) and Biff kept the runs down at the death blah blah with a total of 211 to win being set which could easily have been 250 plus . Blah blah blah…

After a nice ( but god knows what a loaf and a bit of cheese costs in the hell hole that is East Grinstead ) tea TMG’s openers strode ( to walk with long or measured  paces ,as in haste etc #Collins Dictionary ) yes strode out looking to take the game to Hammerwood. This they did very well taking advantage of some loose bowling and raced to 73 off the first 11 overs including Jerry’s P7M (PSM) hook for 6 off the lively Lucas blah blah.

After Jerry fell caught – who’d of thought it – in the gully Tel entered the fray knowing the score had to be kept ticking over and he did this in typical Tel style with 1 run off his first 20 balls followed by 2× 4’s  and the sight of Biff taking a chancey single being run ( – of a 2 legged creature -to move on foot at a rapid pace so that both feet are off the ground together for part of the stride # Collins Dictionary ) out.

Now “run out ” is a quaintly cricketing term giving the impression that a batsman is out and also that he was in someway running.Those who were there know  this isn’t always the case while at the same time not really believing what they saw. I was umpiring at square leg and after Alex made it to the “danger” end I glanced to the non strikers end to see Tel ambling along without a care in the world . “Your end ” Alex cried ” I do like to be beside the seaside ” Tel hummed as the ball crashed into the stumps  with him being in tv terms not even in the frame . Io shook his head in incredulity whilst raising his finger.

I canvassed the opinions of our fellow Greysmen on the boundary  who while wishing to remain anonymous ( something about the KKK ,the recently privatised Kent Kouncil Killers not a fear of Tel himself as they all felt , just about , capable of out running/ ambling him ) “I’ve seen ants move faster than that” said one , “I’ve operated on quicker sloths” , “my woofers and tweeters are more rapid”, “I can load my boot on Sunday with more speed” , “I’ve seen fleeter computer programmes” , “in my country he would be ……….” while in a corner of the field a man was heard muttering about a new calling and running system in which he does all the calling and most of the running.

Meanwhile with the innings stagnating  and Alex and Rich falling  cheaply it was left to Zac (38) and Ibu (24) to give the score some respectability with some fine hitting and a great attempt at a switch hit by Ibu. We finished on 176 , 34 short with the game played in a fine spirit and cricket was the real winner………..of course it wasn’t, the real winner was the worst  running seen on a cricket pitch since a certain G.Boycott hung up his boots and at least he ran other people out and , oh yes, he actually ran.