TMGs vs Cutter’s Choice 12th September 2021 by Ian Sewell

TMG’s v Cutters Choice 12th September 2021.

Greys lose by 31 runs (citation needed)

Today let’s take a look at fun facts about the number 31! As you will see here the number 31 might not be as highly revered as some other numbers, but it creeps into so many different parts of our lives.

Thirty-one is the eleventh prime number. A prime number is a number that can only be divided by itself and the number 1.

If you add up the first 31 prime numbers the result will be 31², or 31×31.

31 is a Mersenne Prime. A Mersenne Prime is a little more than a standard prime number, as it’s equated to be 2^n – 1. In the case of 31 (the third Mersenne Prime), it is 2⁵ – 1.

The atomic number of the element gallium is 31. At room temperature, gallium is a shiny silver-like metal. It belongs to the 13th group of the periodic table, along with similar metals such as thallium and aluminium.

Thirty-one was the number of complete revolutions of the coin tossed in the presence of TMG captain D.B. Ashton Newland prior to the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of September 12th, 2021 at St. James’, Ditchling. The Greys fielded on a good batting strip with a green but fast outfield.

The goalkeepers in the game of ice hockey typically wear the number 31 on their jerseys.

Speaking of ice hockey, in the 2020-2021 season of the North American National Hockey League there are a total of 31 different teams. Seven of those teams are from Canada and the rest are from the USA.

After only exactly 31 balls of the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of September 12th, 2021, Cutters Choice had scored 18 runs without losing a wicket, largely through the uncharacteristic generosity of all-time club wicket taker RS Hoare.

The Cyrillic alphabet is larger than the English alphabet with 31 letters. This alphabet is commonly used in a number of countries including Russia, Belarus, and Bulgaria.

The global ice cream chain Baskin Robbins is also known in some countries such as Japan as 31 Flavours. They’re called this because they always have 31 different flavours available at any point in time (although the flavours themselves do change!).

Thirty-one deliveries into his magnificent spell during the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of September 12th, 2021, Diamond Dan H, bowled yet another dot ball but had taken a remarkable no wickets, despite beating the bat on numerous occasions and being unlucky with some difficult catches going to ground.

There’s a card game which people put bets on called Thirty-One. The game can be played by as many as seven people, with the goal of collecting a number of cards that add up to the number 31.

Most months of the year have 31 days in them. These months are JanuaryMarchMayJulyAugustOctober, and December.

There are 1,000,000,000 (one billion) seconds in 31 years.

The seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of September 12th, 2021, was interrupted after exactly 31 minutes, when Greys hard man David Watts took exception to the young openers’ flat-footed swinging and fortunate avoidance of the field and bounced one into his elbow. Witnesses spoke of hearing a pronounced medullary donk and the pain-stricken youngster was unable to continue. Or indeed get up.

In English, we have the expression dressed to the nines, which means to be extremely well dressed. In French, this expression relates to the number 31 instead. “Ce Telbert, il mettre sur son trente y un!”

In the game Roulette, the number 31 is a black number. On European roulette wheels, the number 31 sits between the numbers 9 and 14, while on a US wheel it sits between the numbers 18 and 19.

Stranger than fiction indeed, but there was an illusory period in the Cutters Choice innings during the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of September 12th, 2021 when the Greys bowling seemed to be on top. After the ‘retired hurt’, two quick wickets for IM Scrote opened up a shaky looking middle order. The new batsmen seem perplexed by Scrote and Watts and from the twelfth to nineteenth overs inclusive Cutters only scored an astonishing 31 runs.

In Astronomy, there is a selection of celestial objects identified by the French astronomer Charles Messier in 1774. The 31st Messier object (M31) is a 4.5 magnitude spiral galaxy referred to commonly as the Andromeda Galaxy, due to its location within the Andromeda constellation.

In the latter stages of the Cutters Choice innings during the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of September 12th, 2021 the third wicket partnership had grown in audacity. Despite fantastically confident spin bowling from FPM Bazzer and an impeccable two overs from DD Hernandez, the Greys could not staunch the flow of runs which included a five run penalty as veteran keeper, Alex Fenian palmed a vicious return up over his head and onto his helmet. The Cutters Choice final total was an unlikely 184, which was described by a cantankerous senior Greysman as “at least exactly 31 too fucking many!”

If you wish to call someone who lives in the Netherlands, remember the number 31, as +31 is their international dialling code.

The average number of complete fried potato slices in a 30g bag of Walkers crisp is exactly 31.

California is the 31st state of the USA, and the first two letters of the state’s name are “c” and “a”, which just happen to be the third and first letters of the alphabet? Coincidence? I’ll let you decide!

When measured (55 metres above sea-level at an ambient 23.6°C), before the Greys reply in the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of September 12th, 2021, the Greys opening batsman and all-time top scorer (citation needed), Mr RJ Line was wearing knitted cricketing over-wear found to have a mean perpendicular extension below the horizontal bum-cheek tangential plane of exactly 31 cm! Amazingly, he was at the crease for 31 seconds.

The 31st most expansive state in the US is Louisiana, with some 52,378 square miles (135,659 square kilometres) of land and water

Canadian proto-cowboy punk KD Laing has spent an incredible total of 31 weeks on the UK Top75. She made a disappointing cameo appearance in the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of September 12th, 2021, when nicking off to a jolly scouser (citation needed) in the second over.

The state of Mississippi is the 31st most expansive US state in terms of land, with some 46,923 sq. miles (121,530 sq. km)

Coming in to bat at four during the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of  September 12th, 2021, was the charming young ringer, James, who if he avoids extended contact with his former cricket coaches, will be the 31st Oxford-educated British Prime Minister and the second from Jesus College. It is to be hoped that he has a stronger grasp of dealing with foreign tyrannies from the East than straight ones from a jolly scouser.

The 31st president of the US was Herbert Hoover. He served as the President from 1929 to 1933 and was the President in power when the Great Depression struck the US. The Hoover Dam is also named after him.

One of the largest paintings ever completed by influential abstract expressionist, Jackson Pollock, is titled “One: Number 31”

Following a complete top order failure in the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of September 12th, 2021, the Greys looked to a blend of age and inexperience to consolidate the innings. Young Hoare, Burgess and Fenton, despite surviving several vociferous LBW appeals, managed exactly 31 balls between them (Citation needed)

31 is an American horror film released in 2016. Produced, written, and directed by Rob Zombie, it’s set in the 70s and follows a group of five carnival workers who get kidnapped by a group of scary clowns. Sounds like a real laugh!

A complete excision, or ‘broom-cupboard’ biopsy, is the standard way to remove a topical skin lesion where there is any possibility that it might be cancerous. The whole skin lesion is cut out and removed. It’s usually done under local anaesthesia to block any pain (citation needed,Tel). Your doctor uses a surgical blade to remove the whole lesion, as well as some normal skin around the edge. Your doctor will, or won’t, close the wound using exactly 31 stitches and cover it with a dressing while having a fag.

Brighton nightclub bouncers, when they are able to get together, still like to laugh over the story of the night in the Speigeltent when a deranged punter was asked an astonishing 31 times to stop dancing and sit down. They eventually managed to persuade the man to leave by telling him they liked his style and convincing him he had won a Spot prize! The time? An eerie 00.31,….. or 1.31 depending who you talk to.

In the Kinks’ 1967 hit song, Dom Ashton, the refrain ‘Fa-fa-fa-fa, fa-fa-fa-fa’ is repeated exactly 31 times. (citation needed) The song is a superb pastiche of adolescent envy and/or homo-erotic attraction centred on the eponymous ‘golden boy’ who is the finest at all the cricketing disciplines, vice-captain of the team, clever, popular, eats no meat, good at fighting but has no time for girls.

When you combine the first eight digits of π (Pi) it adds up to 31.

In the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of September 12th, 2021, David Watts held together a foundering innings with a hard-fought 40, while nursing a fractured clavicle which greatly limited the number of shots he could play (citation needed). He sustained the injury during a live Twitter feed, while attempting an unprecedented 31st one-armed press up.

Believe it or not, there’s a small town called Trenton in Tennessee which has a speed limit of 31 miles per hour (49.89 kilometres per hour) Trente et un is French for 31.

The fateful departure of the pure and nobly bred David Watts in the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of  September 12th, 2021, brought a reprise for the stars of mid-season, club-record 9th wicket stand, DD Henderson and IM Scrote. (citation needed) With seven wickets down and the rate already seven an over, defeat seemed an inevitability. While the excitable DD Haberdasher gaily swished and clipped away without any regard for the gravity of the situation, Scrote hardened his determination to save the dignity of his team. He dug in. He forged himself into the backbone the innings had thus far lacked. He would defend his wicket, ensure his team made use of all the 16 overs remaining and protect at all costs the basket-cases in at 10 and 11. Old Bob and Quiet Ben sat uncomprehendingly, wrapped head to toe in car blankets, compression dressings and hot-water bottles, dosed up with Panadol and stinking of analgesic gel. IM Scrote couldn’t bear to think of those two old and venerable club legends exposed to the harsh realities of competitive Sunday cricket. They had been through it all, but their time was over now – someone would have to tell them soon. They mustn’t be allowed to become liabilities to the team; that would be an unedifying stain on their glory years. He couldn’t countenance that. Scrote looked up and squinted through the dropping sun. Ten overs left with 100 outstanding. How to proceed? “Ten an over” he grunted to DD Haemorrhage. “Well, I think I’m just going to go for it!” squeaked DD with a beardy giggle. Like a mayfly, he was gone. For exactly 31 runs or something equally ephemeral.

There are 31 milligrams (.0011 ounces) of cholesterol in one tablespoon of unmelted butter.

Worthing is an up and coming English South Coast dormitory resort quite near to Littlehampton. According to current demographic trends and other various cultural indicators, Worthing will be as cool a place as Brighton in exactly 31 years.

The first space station to continuously house astronauts was the Soviet space station Mir, which operated from 1986 until 2001. In all of its years of service, a total of 31 Soyuz spaceships flew to it.

. “You’re doing the right thing,” interjected Old Tel at umpire, during the nail-biting climax of the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of September 12th, 2021 “Keep feeling bat on ball!” On the inside IM Scrote of the Greys was screaming “But I want to express myself! I want to smash it back at the bowlers ankles! I want to pull it over midwicket off a length! Why do I have to play the anchor role! I’m sick of duty, I’m sick of doing the right thing! Why couldn’t some of the other ‘chaps’ do their jobs properly??!” Witnesses have spoken of Scrote’s outward lack of emotion, effort even, as he fended away the relentless probing of Cutters’ wily bowlers, feebly swatting at the rare wide or short deliveries. “It’s almost as though he’s playing with a bat that really doesn’t suit him or something!” said one bemused onlooker, a Mr Dave Day, of, strangely enough, 31, Lorazepam House. Brighton (citation needed)

There is a total of 31 verses in the first chapter of the Book of Genesis, the first book in both the Old Testament and the Hebrew Bible.

The current bidding on a second-hand Newberry SPS Mjolnir, (in bad condition) on popular auction website Ebay is £31. The seller is based in Staplefield, East Sussex

Buddha preached that there are 31 different planes, or levels, in existence. For example, he preached that the devas (god-like beings) were not in fact immortal gods, but instead were beings who had been born in the celestial planes.

Fans of this site will need no convincing, the power of the number 31 too pervasive, too sublime, for there to be any doubt. Despite his iron-willed resistance in facing 31deliveries unbeaten during the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of  September 12th, 2021, the co-incidence with the onset of the 31st over of the innings was too much for any mere mortal to resist. A non-descript shot to a non-descript ball, caught by a non-descript Kopite from Liverpool 31 and the great resistance was over. At least the disappointed old battler could take solace in the kind words and heartfelt commiseration of his grateful team mates. (citation needed)

The number of kings defeated by the incoming Israelite settlers in Canaan according to Joshua 12:24: “all the kings, one and thirty” (Wycliffe Bible translation)

Angel number 31 is a message from your angels full of hope and optimism for the future. You have the power to attract anything that you want into your life and the creative ability to manifest anything that comes into your mind. For this reason, your angels are telling you to remain positively focused on desirable outcomes and not to allow negative thoughts to rule your mind.(citation needed?)

January 31st marks the 31st day of the year known as Gorilla Suit Day & Backward Day. People who were born on January 31 share the astrological sign Aquarius.

To the incredulity of all present, Hoare Snr suffered his exactly 31st career threatening injury in the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of September 12th, 2021 (citation not needed)

Appearing in his third match (citation needed) for his Dad’s grown-ups team , the Mighty Greys Cricket Club in the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of  September 12th, 2021, sixteen year old James Hoare was seen to be sporting 31 hairs on his chinny-chin chin.

Going into the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of September 12th, 2021, Club Captain BHS Newland, maintained a bowling strike rate of exactly 31(disregarding decimal places).

There was a great deal of unpleasant crowd disturbance at the dénouement of the seminal TMG v Cutters Choice match of  September 12th, 2021, Shouting cheering, clapping and wanton horn-blowing marred an otherwise peaceful event. That the Cutters Choice players’ enjoyment of their demolition of a wholly superior Greys team should be spoilt by such rowdy behaviour is shameful. The crowd were provoked by some petulant and futile run-scoring for the tenth wicket. For a disgraceful and exact 31 deliveries (citation needed), Hoare and Newland unnecessarily smashed the bowling, prolonging the game and causing the opposition considerable mental and physical distress. The sticky scouser was unable to sip from his jolly Lucozade bottle for a wholly unreasonable period of time. Six fours and a six were plundered as a club-record 48 was needlessly added for the final wicket. That two such experienced and senior players were responsible for this breach of the spirit of the game is highly regrettable. The Greys, shockingly, refused to issue an apology.

So thank you for exploring the marvellous crazy life of the number 31!

Cutter’s Choice innings – 1
TMG innings – 2

7 responses to “TMGs vs Cutter’s Choice 12th September 2021 by Ian Sewell

  1. amazing!!! the only thing is that we lost by 33 runs, can you now just redo it for that number please?? note: see how hard this is without complete and correct record keeping – sort out the scorebooks after each match PLEASE!! aaarrggghhh…

  2. Del, oh dear, I have not made it clear, – PSM was my 31st dot ball (even though I got some glove on it) and that was my muse, so I will not be re-writing owt.

  3. Robert Anton Wilson (RAW or Bob) was a futurist, author, lecturer, stand-up comic, guerrilla ontologist, psychedelic magician, outer head of the Illuminati, quantum psychologist, Taoist sage, Discordian Pope, Struthian politician . . . maybe. Bob described his work as an “attempt to break down conditioned associations, to look at the world in a new way, with different perspectives .. Never heard of him. Massive compliment !

  4. Pingback: The Pinstickers Guide from the Flat Capster Napster, Ian Sewell November 2021 | - home of the mighty greys cricket club·

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