TMGs Vs Southwick Wanderers on 7th August 2022 by Benny Newland

Date: Sunday 7/8/22, 1.30pm start 

Weather: Hot, sunny with a nice breeze 

Game conditions: 35 overs a side, a new ball for each innings, max 7 overs per bowler 

Wicket: Very dry and hard, almost white grass, uneven bounce. Medium-quick outfield, longish boundaries 

Toss: Won by Southwick who elected to bat first 

TMG Team: Jerry Brasher, Biffo Line, Dan Cope, Roborbob Meek (w), Chairman Shadow Burgess, QB (c), Bumbo Ashton, Dave Day, Diamond Dan Hermitage, EO Sewell, Statto Hoare 

What no Johnny Fixtures? 

No, he tested positive for Covid at 12.10pm on the day of the match. Statto jumped on his motorbike and was able to join us about an hour into the first innings; heroic Greysmanship. 

Southwick Wanderers Innings 

First 10 overs:  

Excellent opening spells from Diamond and Double D, as we have become accustomed to this season.  


A good length Diamond Dan ball hits helmetless SW opener Wilson in the chin. This pitch is err… lively. Wilson returns with a bruise and a helmet but Dave sets him up beautifully with a sequence that culminates in a precision de-bailing of off stump from a slower cutter.  

Understandably the batters are reluctant to come forward on this track and for a time, TMG only have 3 fielders in front of the bat. Diamond bowls 3 maidens in his first spell of 5 overs. 

1st Change: 

EO and an Dom, in off-spin mode, start off a bit expensive but both pull it back with EO claiming the wickets of 3 and 4, and Dom no 5 with a sharp caught behind from a surprised looking R/B, wearing the gloves. 

2nd Change: 

Short 3 over spells from QB and Statto bring about an Robbie LBW and  

 a QB diving caught and bowled which goes on to win PSM. 

The openers return:  

… and clean up the tail with DDay bowling nos 8 and 9 and Diamond removing no 10 and the Southwick’s skipper who has batted brilliantly for 70. 


Southwick ended 160 all out  

Special mention:  

Goes to the Southwick scorer who’s neat, colour coded scorebook is a work of art. 

Tea: Build your own baguette. Robor declares it contender for tea of the season…. Tumbleweed ensues. 

The Chase 


A Noakes is a proper bowler and a handful on this wicket. Wot she plays for the girls under 15??!! Biff is caught at point for 8. Jerry decides it is easier to score at the other end and launches a series of lofted drives, the second of which, over the bowlers head, is PSM nominated. 


Jerry is next to go caught at extra cover. 


Robor has a rare failure at Southwick (where he normally gets a ton), bowled for 2. 


Terry is trapped LBW for 4 


Dan Cope chips one in the air to midwicket and goes for 19. TMG are struggling here, but here comes Bumbo so we are in with a chance… 


QB is bowled for 8 (it moved a mile off the pitch, honest!). His top edge stretch that goes for 4 at backward point is PSM nominated. 

Dom proceeds to smash a 24 ball 50, going on to 70* off 34. 

160-7 WTF happened there? 

Confusion reigns at the end when Dom smashes a ball down the ground for what everyone assumes is the winning runs; the wicket keeper removes the bails, Robor (umpiring) signals a 4, hands are shaken…. Meanwhile the fielder throws the ball in and indicates that the ball has pulled up short of the boundary. Both batters are at the bowlers end, the ball ends up at the keepers end. Is it a dead ball? Did the keeper remove a stump? Who is out if Dave Day never left his ground?  

Dave (14 runs) walks off to make life easier despite there being at least 3 reasons why he isn’t out. Never mind, Dom does hit the next one for 4 and TMG win with 6 overs to spare. Bumbo too good for Sunday? 


TMG win by 3 wickets in the 28th over 


PSM Nominations in full: 

Jerry 2nd lofted drive  

Ben top edge for 4 

DD slower ball wicket 

Dom attempt to run single (very badly)  

Terry and his doppelgänger 

Rob ball dropped 

Dom pushing ball over rope for 6  

Dan’s head thumping bouncer (4 Votes) 

Robbie first ball wkt 

Ben’s c and b (5 votes) 

Tel fielding libero 

Ben stop at point 

Robbie hat problem while bowling. 

R/b. calling end off game when it wasn’t  

Robbie’s midriff 

Jerry’s lofted drive early on.  

DD chaise long catch 

Dom leg cutter 

Eo’s acornophobia 

6 responses to “TMGs Vs Southwick Wanderers on 7th August 2022 by Benny Newland

    • An excellent report Ben but the tea has been undersold.
      The coleslaw was crisp with smooth cooling notes of mayo and carrot. The ham and cheese baguette was tempered by the tart undertones of the pickle and offset by the interplay of lettuce leaf and crunch of celery.
      The beef and onion crisps were salty and a fine accompaniment to the refrigerated orange squash.
      I was delighted by the scones with thick clotted cream and unctuous strawberry jam and finished it off with a Cadbury’s mini roll which surprised me with its many layers of decadent Chocolate and whipped cream interplay.
      Certainly better than eating a Lidl sandwich in a smelly changing room surrounded by discarded jock straps.
      I will visit again when give a chance!

  1. Factual, informative and without any pseuds corner restaurant reviews. Clearly this AA Gill character doesn’t come on tour.

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