Terry’s Makeover Challenge!
Fellow fashion victims!
More hectic weeks for yours truly, a catwalk here, promo shoot there, celeb spot on Makeover programme, designer masterclasses, lunch dates with Gok. All just one big whirl these days! But I’ve got a few minutes to share my thoughts on an issue of the highest importance to the team, and the spirit of cricket in general. Yes Guys, I’m talking about clothing.
Before, after and even during the game Greysmen and opposition often quietly ask my opinion on a question of the utmost importance: “How much should I be spending on clothes a year Tel?”, they ask discretely, their eyes full of eagerness for my answer, hanging on every word.
I would say that you should be looking to commit in the region of anything over £5000 per annum – there are some gorgeous bargains to be had out there!
Now, I know that some of my fellow Greysmen haven’t been as lucky as me in getting hold of so many gorgeous designer freebies, so here’s my invitation – get made-over the Terry way! Each and every one of the Mighty Hassocks-thumping Greys simply must come round to my divine boudoir and get kitted out in my walk-in wardrobe. Name any designer and I’m sure to have them on my peg! But don’t forget, most of my clothes are 28-30 inch waist and 30-34 inch chest, so you might have to shed a few pounds first. Yes Tim, I’m talking to you!
With my insider knowledge I can tell you that this year’s summer thing is to wear as many brightly coloured diamond shapes- vibrant cerises, shocking pinks, scintillating blues and shimmering yellows- as you can get on your fabric. You heard it here first!
So come on guys – get yourself into my bedroom and leave feeling a new man!
Top Five Greys Fashion Mistakes
- Wearing the same as everyone else. Too many cricketers these days seem to want to look like they’re wearing some kind of team uniform, everyone in white like they were playing for a Druids Midsummer XI. Let’s get some colour in there guys – this is England, not North Korea! What’s wrong with Nelson Mandela-style shirts and helmets and pads sprayed gold like the Kolkata Knight Riders?
- That awful team logo. Givemeabreak! If you look like donkeys, you’re going to play like them. Someone design a new logo and put a bit of glitter in it peerrrrrlease!! And while I’m at it – what chance have we got if we call ourselves Greys? We’ve lost the match before we walk on the pitch! How about the Cute Catchers, the Gorgeous Gullysnatchers, the Slim Slips or even the Lady Boys of Brighton?
- Casual clothing. Turning up at a pub (why a pub – what’s wrong with meeting in a cocktail bar or a nice hotel foyer?) in Polo shirts and shell suit bottoms before a match might be acceptable if you work as a navvy or a tinker but surely the Mighty Greys should have lounge suits and silk ties as a minimum? Anything by Hugo Boss, Ventuno 21, Calvin Klein, DKNY, Dehavilland, Daniel Hechter, Austin Reed, and the Savoy Taylors Guild will do in my opinion.
- Headwear. Towelling belongs on the heated rail in your bathroom, not on your head. Surely a nice cotton fedora (a steal from Burberry at only £165) or even a cheeky felt beret has got to be better than a silly cap while you’re sweltering at short cover!
- Flip flops. They’re for the beach, not the greensward! If you’re really determined to expose that ankle flesh then Schuh are doing some to-die-for tie up platform boots (Yes! They’re back in!) at only £89.99!