TMGs vs Findon 24th May 2015 by Biffo Line

Bright sunshine in the West Sussex countryside as a happy band of exhausted heroes once again take the field in the cause of the Mighty Greys cricket club. The second ball of the match is a vicious lifter from Lefty Gallagher that catches the edge and is caught above his right shoulder by a nonchalant Delboy . Proper Cricket ! As the match continues Io , Partridge , Ibu and Del are all in the wickets as well with Elefterios not getting a proper look in with his solitary over . Biff takes a swirling skier for PSM and there is more great fielding from Jerry , Dave Park Crescent , Zac and others. The Greys look surprisingly fresh as they restrict a Findon side with a combined age of less than any two Greysmen to 124 . Surely they can knock them off?


Sadly again the Greys are unable to get the runs. Del ,Alex and Ibrahim shine briefly but TMG fall well short against some excellent bowling from the youngsters and Nobby who at least had the decency to be in the Greys age group.  Another defeat snatched from the jaws of victory . Another day in the sun.


Meanwhile at Old Greys HQ deep beneath the Sussex Downs the atmosphere in the Hibbetbunker is palpable and not just because the Bearded One’s kitbag has been stashed by the air duct these long years. A shadowy cabal sits around a star shaped table in the half light from 11 black candles , their plans have been laid , has the time finally come?

Agent Robin is finishing his report . “Its true they look like a worn out bunch of drunks and they keep losing to sides they would have hammered a while back but what puzzles me is the only thing they seemed bothered about was the pub running out of Best again”.

“It was the same before”, agrees the Welsh One , “we got thrashed every week in the indoor stuff and as long as they were banging on the door of the Constant at five to twelve in the morning they were happy ,doesn’t make sense “.

The Bearded One’s leather clad fist crashes onto the table with terrifying force , “We must strike now ! While they are at their weakest ! How long must we cower in these depths ?”

The Quiet One in the Lab Coat urges caution ,”What if its a trap? Are our intelligence reports reliable? Terry scoring on the off side , Alan getting a wicket , Biff going a whole game without falling out with the other skipper , next they will be telling us Rob isn’t injured and Io is talking sense ! Now this , all their best players are unavailable through various unlikely circumstances. I smell a rat “. Ten  heads turn to the corner by the air duct but no one speaks .

The silence is broken from the darkness at the head of the table, ” the Beard is right , we strike now with all force , we shall return to the light “.

All eyes are now turned to the dank dripping ceiling as if to perceive that light through 400 feet of chalk .

Back on the surface and a crisis is brewing at Greys HQ , another defeat and the inevitable question is being asked .

“How can they have run out of Best again?”


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6 responses to “TMGs vs Findon 24th May 2015 by Biffo Line

  1. that’s gotta be a new record for fastest match report submission….(only 19 hours 25 minutes after the completion of the game)…bravo brave skipper!!

    and the talk of mutiny against our beloved HQ…not that I understood most of what you were saying (it’s me, not you), but I think the time has come for the options to be considered and battle plans to be drawn…

    oh and I think your catch was akin to that which Moeen Ali took to win the match today…supurb, over the shoulder, running backwards…he did have 20,000 people behind him sure, but he didn’t have to contend with a 19degree slope and grassy, oversized potholes and a bung finger…really well done! (include video here when found…)

  2. The Amstell never runs out……Wiggie would be proud of that submission, such was it’s speed.

  3. Great! Its as though you knew the original mutant grey-lords! Their fury will be hellish and foul. Specially the bearded one’s. Are they wearing black kit.

  4. It might be acute tiredness brought on by baby-geddon but I didn’t understand much of that – sounded like it should be good though for anyone else who could. Might see you all for the Greys v Greys match if it isn’t raining and if I can operate the clutch with this f*$%&*g knee. #MIIIIINE!

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