TMGs vs Upper Beeding by Ben Newland 24th April 2022

The Record Breaking Upper Beeding Match Report

[Intro Music]

Record Breaker!
If you’re the tallest, the smallest, if you beat them all,
If you’re the fattest, the thinnest, if you always win,
If you’re the fastest, the slowest, if you really go,
Then you’re a record breaker, a record maker,
you’re a record breaker.

The longest cricket match in history went on for an incredible 12 days – even then, it still ended without a winner! The Test match between England and South Africa took place in 1939 and became known as the “Timeless Test”. Beginning on Friday 3rd March, it continued for 43 hours and 16 minutes.

The Mighty Greys match at Beeding and Bramber CC was only to last a maximum 40 overs per side and was to be played on a pitch which seemed to have been a football surface in its recent past: Green on top, uneven underneath and firmed up in the dry April weather. It was far from the worst early season wicket we play on and was to provide plenty for the bowlers and batters alike, if not for the fielders.

Dan cope and dog

The Greys were battle hardened from their 1st game defeat at the hands of a youthful and hard hitting Horley. For BBCC this was their first of the season.

The Greys won the toss and chose to bat with Biff and Dan Cope opening. The start was auspicious with Biff gloriously cover driving the first ball for 4 (PSM Nom.). An unhelmeted Dan Cope was rather bravely taking on anything short and one of his pulls was nominated. By the time Dan was caught behind for 28, the Greys had racked their 2nd 50+ opening partnership in as many games.

mighty greysmen

The team score had passed 100 before Biff was bowled for a well made 40, and a solid platform had been built. Dom played his way in at no 3, before hitting some boundaries, then getting caught behind on 21.

Debutant Stu hit some lusty blows at no. 4 before being bowled for 15 and James Hoare was bowled for 2.

Dave and Ben – thumbs up!

The Greys were 5 down for a score of 121 at 23 overs, and Upper Beeding well in the game. Time for BBCC to blood some promising young bowling talent….

The youngest ever test debutant was Hasan Raza , aged 14 years and 227 days, playing for Pakistan against Zimbabwe in 1996. Hasan Raza remains the youngest player to have made his debut at Test level, fully 137 days shy of his 15th birthday, and it is almost beyond comprehension to imagine the record ever being broken.

Bassett and Thacker were impressively pacey, with nice bowling actions, but with accuracy still to be honed. That combined with an unpredictable pitch, and the oppo’s wicket keeper was having a torrid time. Steve, the BBCC captain, had selflessly stationed himself at fine leg to try and cut off the stray balls when perhaps one of the younger players may have faired better, and whether via bat or lumpy pitch, the ball was, more often than not, crossing the boundary.

Alex hit some good shots before being caught at Gully for 18, but his downfall summoned a 7th wicket partnership of rare and devastating quality for a Sunday friendly.

The latest recorded arrival of a little ‘un was when Beulah Hunter, who, in 1945, at the age of 25, gave birth after 375 days of being pregnant. Yes, you read that correctly: 375 days as opposed to the average of 280 days. This is almost a year and a half!

With familial duties to perform earlier in the day, our little Aussie dynamo rocked up around 3pm, came in at no. 8, and proceeded to smash 45 off just 19 balls. Equally, at the other end, DDay let no loose ball go unpunished and added to the generous supply of extras, the 7th wicket partnership put on a remarkable 85 in just 6 overs.

Dave Day on his way to a fabulous 84.

The best thing to be said about the skipper’s innings is that he came and went in time to allow the “Ceremonial Guru” to do the honours and pull the boundary 4 to both bring up TMG’s 2nd ever 300 total, and break the previous record score of 302.

DDay’s fabulous innings of 84 (including PSM nommed tracer bullet of a cover drive, and square cut) came to an end when he was bowled in the penultimate over, and TMGs finished their innings at 317 for 9, the highest score in the history of the club, still finding new peaks after 35 years.

Terry mincing
Alex ready

The BBCC innings began steadily enough with the first breakthrough coming in the 7th over your humble scribe moved one in off the pitch to lefty Baker, and his inside edge guided the ball into the bails.

Ben taking the wicket of Baker
Alex congratulating Ben

Sloan was next to fall when a back of a length delivery jagged into his body and Delbert took a great forward diving catch off the gloves.

The best ever bowling performance by a debutant in test cricket: Bob Massie (Australia versus England)

Bob Massie isn’t one name that cricket fans would hear too often, which is understandable given the fact that he played only 5 Test Matches for Australia. But on his debut, against the Englishman at Lord’s during the second Test Match of the 1972 Ashes tour, he did something incredible. With the weather and pitch being conducive to swing bowling, Massie made the home side hop, skip and jump, as he picked up 8 for 84 restricting the English team to 272. The second innings display was even more impressive as he took 8 for 53 and bundled out the opposition for 116 runs, laying the perfect platform for an 8 wicket victory for his side. 18 months later his performance nosedived forcing even his home side Western Australia to drop him, but he will always be remembered for the most incredible of debut performances.

Dave and Biff

Bumbo Ashton & Stu Cairnes, on (Sunday) debut, were the first change of bowling and maintained the pressure with Stu taking his first wicket for the Greys in his 3rd over. Bumbo bowled the unfortunate Redfern first ball, and the Greys were well on top at 47 for 4 after 15 overs.

Stu and Dan

The Greys skipper then went for the jugular, bringing on the Shadow and James Hoare, and taking the catch himself for James’s first wicket for the Greys (PSM Nom).

Terry bowling
James H takes his first wicket!!
James wicket

With plenty of runs on the board, what was needed was a bit of loopy spin to induce some shot play, and lacking better options the skipper brought himself on. The first over was distinctly average and he was lucky to get away with just one long-hop being banged for 4.


The highest catch of a cricket ball is 119.86 m (393 ft 2.897 in), and was achieved by Thimothy Shanon Jebaseelan (Australia) in Sydney, New South Wales, Australia on 19 November 2021.

Terry, Dave and Biff

The plan paid off in the 2nd over, however, when top scorer Mannell (59) launched the ball aerially toward long on. Confident the catch would be taken by Double D in his usual position, the skipper was alarmed to see him standing at 2nd slip. Amazingly Bumbo managed to run from Cow Corner, around the pavilion that juts into the playing area, and take the catch at full tilt. Ordinarily this feat of athleticism would be a nailed on PSM winner. Today it was a close 2nd.

Terry cleaning glasses

Glass was bowled by a loopy straight one the turned away a little, and on the final ball of the spell Hawkins was bowled by a loopy straight one that turned in off the pitch. This completed the Michelle, the first for the Greys, that anyone can remember, to consist of both seam and swing wickets.

Ben takes 5 wickets

The largest winning margin in ODI cricket was when New Zealand beat Ireland by 290 runs, having posted 403, on 1st July 2008.

Dave coming on to mop up

It was left for Double D to mop up the last man and the game ended with a rather impressive winning margin of 179 runs to TMG.


End of the match

[Closing Music]

Dedication, dedication, that’s what you need
If you want to beat the rest
If you want to be the best
Dedication’s what you need.

Ben PSM for his Michelle – the first for the greys that includes both seam and swing!
TMGs innings – 1

Upper Beeding’s innings – 2

3 responses to “TMGs vs Upper Beeding by Ben Newland 24th April 2022

  1. Yes, lovely photos. Just a small gripe about all the passive smoking I’ve had to do in thirty years performing at all these small clubs. Its a miracle i’m still here. Mmmghmmph….eergh….donk!!

  2. Awesome match report theme and cricket trivia. Think your 5fer included both seam and ‘spin’ though, eh?
    I mean, it probably did involve swing too, but perhaps Del can edit that?

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